– 12:57 pm
As you know, I’ve been reading The Myth of Normal. The chapter on a child’s irreducible needs really got me thinking about what it is I/we need to give you as basics to make you a successful complete stable balanced self-sufficient human. The answer is neither a trust, nor is it a house or car. In fact, it’s nothing tangible. It’s qualitative. Observantly, you couldn’t care less about either of those things. No kid does I imagine. However, the list is not as deducible as one might think.
- The attachment relationship: children’s deep sense of contact and connection with those responsible for them.
This implies, we, your mum and i, have to tune into your emotional needs. Not ours, but yours. How we feel about how you feel don’t necessarily always equate. - A sense of attachment security that allows the child to rest from the work of earning his right to be who he is and as he is.
You don’t have to do anything to exist as you are. We have to make sure of that. - Permission to feel one’s emotions, especially grief, anger, sadness, and pain—in other words, the safety to remain vulnerable.
How you feel is how you feel. And you have the right to express it. The reason might be misguided but it is always valid and it needs no justification. - The experience of free play in order to mature.
Your grandparents do a stellar job in this area. Julia just shared a video of you and your grandad DIYing some sort of table. You have a hammer in your hand banging in the nail he’s pointing out to you. You look busy, thoughtful and with a clear objective. The experience is clearly a joyous one. It’s also agenda-free, imaginative and in-person (without tech intervention to mediate). It’s magic.
By now you know your mother’s birthday is March 10 and her dad’s March 11. Mother’s Day also happened to fall on your mother’s cakeday. So the last few days have been quite festive. Gifts were also very much on the artsy side this year.
On your behalf, I commissioned some art from a picture I took of you and your mother doing yoga. (Well, of her doing yoga and you interrupting.) You may have seen it floating around the house. If you flip it over, it’s one of your drawings scribbles, signed by you (via me). I helped with the highlighters but it’s all your doing. It’s your first “artwork” to sit in a frame. If it survives time, I hope looking at it brings you joy because you looked really happy doing it.
Liza’s day started with pancakes at your grandparents, courtesy of Valerie followed by a round of gifts. We later entertained a few of your her friends at the house – Rozalia (and her cake of course), Kostia, Ginta and both their kids, and Maria (from the NCT group) who came with her husband and little boy Dinos and Nico respectively. Two days separate you and Nico.
Overall, everyone and everything created the perfect atmosphere for her and she loved it.
Your grandad got a couple of paintings, both done by Ginta. She’s very talented. One of them is Valerie pushing you on the swings. It’s a great kodak moment in itself and I am happy it now exists in another format.
Not to end on a low, but you had quite a big fall the other day. By comparison the biggest of them all. I think Liza’s traumatised. I was upstairs when it happened. Normally we’re close enough to the convertible tower when you’re on it to prevent shit like this from happening. But she was exhausted (from work and back-to-back sleepless nights) and sitting a few meters away when you danced yourself down with the tower and onto the tiled kitchen floor. You had bleeding gums when I held you and judging by your tears, in quite a bit of pain. Liza was crying and blaming herself. Honestly, this could easily have been me or anyone. I’ve left you on that thing and been even further away plenty times.
In other news, you are saying “fuck” for “fox” repeatedly. I think it took your grandparents by surprise. I find it hilarious. I’m correcting you alright but I’m not making any great efforts, intentionally. Ciao!