– 9:14 am

Liza and I come from cultures where raising a child is not a “man’s thing” to do, more so for me. Combing back through time, I don’t recall ever seeing my dad (or any other male African at that) with a baby and feeding bottle, in the same frame. You just won’t see it, not at night, in sunlight, and definitely not in public. You’d expect more help, perhaps from jobless fathers with plenty of stay-at-home time. But nope! Not a chance. It’s been completely normalised and accepted by that society, babies belong with their mothers, full time.

Every so often, especially on weekends, your mother and I would be out in town and notice these dads with buggies, no free limbs, and backpacks full of… diapers (I presume, among other runaway gear). These walkers have had far from enough shut-eye. They’ve been beaten and shabby looking, in rag-like outfits they clearly picked out in the dark. Next time you’re out, scan around. These zombies are hard to miss. They usually ride solo or in little cliques, typically a band of two. I’m not sure why but a duo of dads seems to be their sweet spot. You’ll catch them trudging along, and trading prolonged small talk.

So it always makes for belly-aching laughter watching them trying to keep up with those loose canons for kids, chasing them out of the ponds they’ve decided to dance in, dragging them out of ditches, or hush-hushing the little devils to sleep. We’d joke about it being the day the mums gave up on the “little shits” and the only peaceful way forward was immediate distance and separation. And so the fathers had to step in to prevent a crime scene investigation. In many ways, I’m going to become the butt of this same joke. Fabulous!

For the first time yesterday, your mother became free of any nausea and sleep-inducing fatigue. She also hasn’t felt like eating an entire forest of fruits. She said, “I feel 97% myself”. I guess both of you have decided to take a day and give each other some “distance and separation”. It’s any man’s guess how long this breakup lasts but I hope it helps and you both come back stronger than ever. It’ll be my pleasure to mediate if needed. She just left for Waitrose. Took you with her. So I’m guessing it’s not all hatred. I’ll pick you guys up later, got work to do in the interim.