– 1:49 pm

Your mother has been thinking about names for you. She brought it up some weeks ago. To be honest, I’ve addressed it passively. But she’s been giving it a lot of thought. She brought it up again last week. So we had a long discussion about it. My view then and now is that you can be named at any point. It’s OK to not have one when you’re born.

Contrary to that, she wants you named before you get out. It’s no issue at all so I can swing either way, flexibly. She wants to call you Feodore. (I think this is how it’s spelt in Russian). It’s not the worse name. Not at all. But if this happens, people will call you Feo. We have close friends who’ve named their kids “Leo”. Both names sound too much alike and I think we can be a bit more original. I also have a friend I went to school with called Theodore. We can do better.

Liza was very fond of her grandparents. They played a major role in raising her. You should hear her go about her grandmother. Ask her one day. What she was like, and how she got by surviving the war and upheavals of her time. I’ve only heard bits so I am equally as interested if there are tales to tell.

Her grandad was called Edvard. Yes, with a ‘v’. But everyone called him Edik. I think he was Polish. I feel like you’d have questions to ask if you carried this name. So I like it. Those questions will reveal things like “Edik used to test Tupolev planes by flying them and switching off the engine to see what happens”. Knowing your ancestry can be a guiding compass. It can change a person. I would know. But of course, you don’t have to carry his name to find that out. You just need to be curious and inquisitive enough.

When I bought a sewing machine and told my mum I was sewing and doing my own repairs because I was fed up with the lousy tailoring I was paying for, she said, “Oh that’s in your blood, your grandfather was a tailor. In his heyday, he went as far as tailoring army uniforms”. That gave me more than just positive affirmation, instantly. I felt a sense of belonging, that I was simply doing something innate. Moreover, I didn’t have to carry the names Joseph or Ngwa to feel it.

When you dig into your history and bloodline, remember that these characters were imperfect beings. The time was different and the culture was different. You might find things which in your era would seem worthy of the guillotine. They did despicable things. For reasons best known to them. Worse case, you might find yourself with the name of someone you no longer want to be affiliated with. You can’t run away from your past by simply changing your name. You can’t run away, period. But you can become a better person if you wanted to. Your past isn’t always your future.

So it is equally as important for you to have an identity of your own. To come away from the shadows of those long gone and to write your own legacy. You need a white canvas to do so, to create your own history such that one day, people will look back and form an opinion of who you were, whether good or bad. Another path that starts with you.

I did however call my dad to inquire about the pillars in his life. His grandfather was called Ta Wanchambi. He was from a tribe called BaMendakwe, which by birthright, we all descend from, you included. “Ta” in Pidgin English means “Pah”, which translated means “Father”. In a tribal setting, the older you get (typically with a family of your own), or put a positive imprint on your community by doing “great things”, people start addressing you with “Ta” before your name. It’s a male title. Unlike “Mr”, you don’t automatically get one for being a man. So he was Pah Wanchambi.

As my dad put it, the name “Wanchambi” means “warrior, leader, or General”. Your mother and I agree this would be a great middle name for you. We also have your grandfather’s blessing to use it. You’re a bit young to be called Ta but we don’t like Wanchambi as a standalone. We like the sound of Ta Wanchambi. And that people could call you Ta-Wa as they did him.

So as things stand, your name is [something] Ta-Wanchambi Ateh.

We just need to figure out what the something is. I’ve just been speaking to your mum, promising to “do some thinking”.