Tag: Baby

What’s happening?

Posted on by Kilian Ateh

– 9:57 am

Well for starters, your mother and I spent four and half hours last night putting together an IKEA baby changing unit. By the time we were done, I had a footprint the size of an elephant’s. I had pain all over my back from trying to be nimble with a fractured leg. It took a few yoga poses to relieve some of the tension. That I miss. Yoga that is. I’m going to attempt a class one of these days (like I usually do via the app).

The decision to put it together was a spontaneous one. We were going to do it last weekend right after assembling the bedside crib we bought from Snuz. We’d unpacked all the pieces and all it took was a glance at the manual to shelve it.

We agreed to get someone from IKEA or Airtasker to do it but Valentina (who helps us clean) volunteered her husband. They were going to pop round yesterday but six was too late for us. That’s when we decided to give it another go – terrible fucking idea!

Dear IKEA

You can do better. You really can.

Thanks
Kilian et Liza

PS – But we got it done.

IKEA baby changing unit

Midway through this writeup, I had to dash upstairs with my drill and toolbox to help put up a blackout curtain in the second bedroom. That’s been my morning so far.

Yesterday was also day two of the NCT classes we’ve been taking. This session was about labour and childbirth. I took some notes. Honestly, I have not the faintest clue why anyone would want to put their body through pregnancy and childbirth. It ranges from uncomfortable to downright excruciating throughout. But your mother keeps repeating the female hormones override any input from a logical standpoint. Good thing I’m not the one who has to bring you into this world. You’d be abandoned son. I would never do it.

What else? Umm… We bought another sofabed to go in the studio downstairs. I foresee myself sleeping in there a lot, especially if I have to work while your mother is on maternity leave. There is currently no reason to believe you will spare us and sleep throughout the night. Most babies won’t and you won’t be any different. I’m prepping for the worst-case scenario. But the idea is a catch-all for anyone who offers us help and needs a bed. It gives us flexibility.

I also started reading Cribsheet by Emily Oster. It’s a data-driven approach to parenting. I read the chapter on circumcision this morning when I woke up. I was but you won’t be. Medically speaking, there is no real reason to get it. Historically, it’s more for cultural and religious reasons. And we know where I stand on the latter. You can be circumcised at any point in your life so if you decide otherwise when you’re older then it’s your choice.

Ah yes, you’ll be on a plane again tonight. This time to Riga. Your mother is flying out for a work conference. It’s a project she spent a solid six months working on and this event unites all her “Central and Eastern grantees”. You’d have to ask her what that means.

I just had to help her put on compression tights as she’s too big to do it herself now. They are also quite tight to be fair. You’ll get to hang out with your grandparents. I joked she could bring anything but COVID back. I still have a bad cough I seem unable to shake. Thinking about it, I wonder if I should get it checked out…

Anyway, I have to run. The car needs cleaning and charging. I have to drive myself to the hospital and back tomorrow morning for a progress update and an X-ray. The part of the leg which had an infection just won’t heal. We’ve been managing it with iodine since Friday but I’m keen to speak to Mr Culpan about it. It’s doing my head in quite frankly. 

Also worthy of note are the Braxton Hicks contractions your mother reported having. I think it may be prudent doing a dry run to the hospital and finding a 24 hour and over car park. I have a ticket raised on my Trello board to complete this task. I want to minimise uncertainty on d-day as much as possible. Where to park shouldn't be something to worry about.

At least it’s your own

Posted on by Kilian Ateh

– 1:20 pm

Grandad says you ate your own poop

Poop, coffee, and cheese pancakes.

When asked what you had for breakfast this morning, that is what your grandad said. LOL.


We refrain from letting you run around in just diapers because you’ve unlocked the great mystery of diaper liberation. This mischievous habit started while trotting around Junior’s place in the good ol’ US of A. Your grandad decided to try it out this morning. Not only did you bid them farewell, but you also embarked on the adventurous quest of sampling your own poop artistic creations. A truly avant-garde exploration of gastronomy!

I wrote that paragraph in part using WordPress’s AI Assistant. I chose a humourous tone and used bits of it. Really impressive. I wonder what you’ll be able to do with it when you’re older. The potential seems boundless and endless.

Valery also made the rookie mistake of looking away for a nanosecond while his coffee was within reach. Tut tut tut! You made sure a bucket and mop were needed after you’d had your fill. I’m sure he’s learned a lesson or two after this behavioural masterclass.

This cheekiness carried on when he dropped you off at ours so it’s any man’s guess what you’re doing to your mum right now. She took you to see her friend Celia. She also has a son you can mingle with.

Before you had to crawl to the closest piece of furniture to stand but you can do that from a sitting position unaided now. I installed all those IKEA doors to control the damage. You get on your tip-toes for even more reach. This means my desk is in danger. So my counteracting action is to barricade land access to my desk. If you haven’t guessed it yet, we’re at war and I’m fighting it with everything I’ve got.

Aaaooouucchh! A bee just stung me on my neck! That fucking hurts!

You can climb chairs too now. I saw it with my own eyes at the Retreat. Your grandad is trying to teach you how to come down safely from them.

You do have a new obsession though, telephones. Everything has an ear and mouthpiece at the moment. So much so that your grandparents had to have a real phone call set up with you, one person in the other room and you in the other blabbing away. Your grandmother is fantastic sport at these sorts of games. She plays right along. I imagine it’s the funniest thing as they try to keep up and hold the conversation.

I’ve also seen you pacing up and down from door to door with my phone on your ear having these “business calls” with God knows who, negotiating contracts and making deals. I’m waiting to see my phone bill come the end of the month. And every time I get my phone back, I have to “wait 15 minutes” because you entered the password incorrectly too many times.

I didn’t find anything to back this up, but your mother says the scrolling gesture was taken from babies. This would explain the way you use my phone, with your index finger pulling up and down the screen.

Running round in a diaper Making business calls

Liza and I bought a Lovevery subscription. And with that, they send you Montessori toys every four months or so. The idea is to stimulate you mentally and physically. However, between those and the many gifts you’ve received, we quickly realised you constantly had way too many options out all the time. It’s also a faff cleaning up after you and we end up spending way too much time on a frivolous activity.

But then I read one of their articles suggesting we limit and rotate the amount of toys on display in your play station. (Ah! I wonder if that’s how they came up with the name PlayStation i.e. a station or place where your toys are kept for you to play with). Anyway, I followed the instructions and noticed you interacted with the fewer toys for longer and experimented with different ways of playing with them. Just like the article said. Today is rotation day with a couple of new additions. I hope they are fun when you get back to them later this evening.

I’ve also made some language adjustments after reading another article from their blog. So now, instead of saying ‘no’, I opt for a more positive approach, giving you alternatives whenever I want to deter you from something detrimental. But it’s a work in progress.

There are some vaccines you have to take as a one-year-old, most of which are simply boosters from the previous round with a single new addition. They are scheduled for next week. Liza and I won’t be here for them. We’ll be in Croatia for a few days. So your grandparents will get to witness that cry. I don’t think they’re ready.

I wasn’t aware of this but it turns out your grandparents seldom give you a pacifier dummy. They believe it slows down speech development. Now I know why you won’t STFU. To be fair, we only give it to you at night when you wake up looking for one of us and needing comfort. Besides that, I don’t even know where they’ve all disappeared to. We used to have a few. Good riddance though.

You act like a bitch on her period (or me when I’m in one of those moods) whenever we have to clean you at the end of your meal. We use a wet wipe and you act like we’re wiping you down with acid. Well, Liza found a solution to this. I think she read it somewhere. We’ve adopted a warm towel. There’s a lot less shouting and kicking and it’s rather peaceful and amicable.