– 12:43 am

I remember Wez saying, “honestly, those first couple days, you don’t know whether you’re coming or going”. All I’ll say is, now I understand what he meant.

It’s been a day since we brought you home. Our inexperience hasn’t killed you yet somehow. You’re currently snuggled on my chest because you refuse to be put down alone. The volume goes up instantly the moment I try to displace you, literally on demand. If this were a product on Amazon, we’d be rich and have the best reviews. You’d get comments like “screams instantly“, “Best screamer ever. I love it“, and “Where have you been my whole life!?” And you do it all without any tears. So you’re faking (and it’s working). Good for you. You’ve hacked the code.

The moment you came out, you had your fingers in your mouth. I think this is how you’ve been self-soothing pre-birth. I do worry though that this will give you dentition issues down the line. So I want to kill the habit. In fact, one of the nurses midwives at Portland walked in with your entire hand in your mouth. (I’m exaggerating, but still). A black lady. She pulled it out going, “I’m still paying for the dental bills for my young one. Whatever you need to do to stop this, do it”.

In Africa, we stop it by rubbing a scotch bonnet on your fingers. There is no attention to whether the child rubs it on their body, face or eyes. The shit we’ve been through! And given the scars on your face, you’d have chilli all over it. Instead, we’ll use a pacifier. It apparently makes it a bit more difficult for you to learn to breastfeed so I am a little conflicted. But the benefits are clear and worthwhile. Besides, I’m sure we can find workarounds wrt “nipple sucking”. Liza’s filed your nails by the way.

You had bad hiccups the first night at home. It unsettled every nerve in your mother. She was visibly worried even after I showed her evidence that it was no cause for alarm and there was little that could be done about it. She sat with you through every one of them, keeping you upright the entire time. Emotionally speaking, I understand her anxiety. Thankfully, you were very calm about the hiccups. Almost like “it is what it is”. You didn’t cry or fuss. That was very nice of you. I think your mother would’ve made us go back to Portland. I am near certain of it.

A nurse showed up earlier today. Cath her name was, from Kingston Hospital. Turned up unannounced. Portland said to expect her on Tuesday. She was keen I guess. Maybe she read some of your Amazon reviews and couldn’t wait any longer. But it all seemed carefully planned to me. The whole thing about “wires crossed” and a “mix-up with the schedules” was definitely part of the charade. There was nothing impulsive or whimsical about it. It makes sense to catch the parents off-guard before they can mask and sugarcoat their treatment of the baby. I would’ve done the same.

But all went well. She loved our home. Your mother got a checkup out of it – the section line, her blood pressure, some breastfeeding tips etc. Your jaundice (and bilirubin level) was good and there was nothing to worry about.

Wez dropped by around 10 pm. Your mother had been talking to Nic (his wife) about sore breasts filled with milk. So he had an electric and manual breast pump with him along with all the details of how to use them. I was on a FUSi call with Manu and didn’t get to speak to him. I left him at the door with Liza. But I’d seen their family earlier in the day watching my team play a pre-season-friendly football game. They’ve been invaluable to us.

So far, no swaddle has held you hostage. You’ve found your way out of every straight jacket, Houdini style. I have a sneaky feeling you’ll be left-handed. Yours is incredibly strong and you always lead with it. Hopefully, not into boxing. You share a birthday with Obama. He’s also left-handed I believe. Not that it means fuck’all.

I was left-handed and still left-footed. In Cameroon, it’s considered rude and disrespectful to greet elderly people with your left hand. I think it’s the same notion as in Muslim cultures. It’s classed the “dirty hand“. I think it’s society’s way of dealing with the minority. So every time I used my left, it got smacked. That’s basically how I landed on my right. They forgot about my foot though. Currently, you are like a conductor of an orchestra in the way you swing your arms. If there was music going, it’ll be absolutely hilarious.