Your grandparents confirmed you slept very well. Just as I expected. Julia said she didn’t even have to swaddle you. So the bath definitely helped, unequivocally. I think we’ll do it every other day going forward.

Valerie Valery and I had a very intriguing, enlightening, eye-opening honest conversation on what humanity will throw at you w.r.t race and culture. First, we talked about the history of Cameroon. His question was whether Cameroonians are ever taught their history from an insider’s perspective. Not the viewpoint of its colonial masters but something written and documented by Cameroonians for Cameroonians. Something less susceptible and prone to lies and fabrication. He basically worried that Wikipedia may not be the best place to source reliable information which he could pass on to you.

Unfortunately, I cannot speak to the accuracy of what I was taught at school. It needs to be held against alternatives comparatively to interrogate the delta. All I know is what I learned. However, I know now for certain that bits that don’t fit the overall narrative of colonial victory and success are carefully omitted and are difficult to source. We as a people didn’t just bend over. These are our lands. At times we fought and at times we won.

I know this because your uncle, Judex wrote a research paper documenting his findings on the history of Cameroon. It must have been pretty expensive to source and collate all that information. A selfless act for all. It’s a genuine search for the truth, without bias. But as Dave Chappelle put it, “those pages in history are stuck together”.

He called the essays PATHFINDER, meaning People Anxiously Thinking How to Find an Ideal Nation of Divine Eternal Reunion. A mouthful I know. You won’t remember it either.

The first chapter opens up with these thought-provoking questions, the bedrock for all that followed

1. How do we explain ourselves to ourselves and how do we explain ourselves to our children?
2. What are we going to tell our children about who we are and what we represent? Who are we? Who am I?
3. How are we going to tell them so that they understand?

The story of our people. It’s worth reading for sure. I have drafts you can download at the end if interested. The more questions that come out of it, the better. I sent them to your grandfather as well. He’s also another factfinder so he’ll be right at home with these. In fact, I’m going to call your uncle to see if I can help to have this published because there must be like minds out there seeking this point of view. Perhaps.

Your grandfather also thinks I’m “racist proof”, teflon to it somehow. He’s hoping this is a trait I can pass down to you, genetically or otherwise. And despite being racially abused at least a couple of times, neither incident has left me feeling any less than myself. Those events don’t linger in my mind at all. In fact, I’d have to really try to even remember them. They serve as reminders of the reality we live in but nothing more. I’m not going around nitpicking every multiracial interaction looking to play that card. There’s more to life. There has to be.

Valery did however bring it up to say we’d have to do our best to prepare you for life based on your skin colour. We will. But I think you’ll be OK. I doubt you and I would get the same treatment in Eastern Europe. You might carry the cross but I’ll be crucified.

Some people are racist without even knowing. So my advice to you is to always try to see the best in people. At least in the first instance. And remember that no word can kill you. But your (re)actions can. Words have as much power as you give them. So don’t be blind to it but don’t be stupid also.

The stereotype goes, “black people are here to steal their jobs and live on benefits”. Kill them with success.

We also spoke about bullying, especially among teens. Not everything is about race. Your grandfather was a tall and skinny boy. They menaced him a lot for that. They called him a Russian slur which I can’t remember. He woke up every morning mentally preparing himself for a fight. Can you imagine how hard that is to do every. Single. Fucking. Day?

As he tells it, his stepfather thought him some self-defence techniques which saved his life. He recounts snapping once and beating another boy to a pulp – bloodied face, busted lip, the works. I can’t judge him for that. No way. Sometimes enough is enough and you just can’t take it any longer. And the only way out is to send a message to everyone via an example.

My experience wasn’t far away. I’ve always been quite small. So small one of my mates nicknamed me “Mbindush” during my boarding school days. It means exactly that. Small. But very early on, I knew that if I let the first person get away with bullying me, there’ll be a queue of them after. So I fought whoever tried. And soon no one wanted a fight.

I feel this is the only way to handle bullying, by the bull’s horns. To think you won’t get picked on is wishful thinking. You will be challenged at school, at work, and throughout your life. How you cope will depend on the foundations we as your parents have laid down.

So I’m hoping we can establish a relationship where we talk to each other freely. Regardless of the topic or gravity of the issue. We have to find a way to communicate without fear. Don’t be afraid (of anyone). I’m sure your mother would like to know if you’re being bullied. So would I. We’d also like to know if we have a bully for a son. Ideally, our style of parenting will prevent both before it’s serious enough to become a stat or case study. We’ll guide you the best way we can.

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– 4:26 pm

You’re out with your mother and grandmother to meet Rozalia. You guys should be back soon I imagine. I hoped to work in your absence but to be honest, I haven’t been up to much. It’s been a rather unproductive couple of hours. I do have a crockpot going though so dinner’s looking very enticing.

For lack of better adjectives, yesterday was… interesting. You were vocally unsettled when Liza brought you back home. She’d been out catching up with Gianna. You are currently the trophy she proudly parades and presents to all her friends. A major life accomplishment. It was Neta before Gianna, the women from our NCT group before then and Rozalia today. She flaunts you with triumph and jubilation. Thankfully, you seem to also love being out so the relationship is very much symbiotic. All parties get a piece of the pie.

But yes, yesterday. Interesting. Apparently, you were fine (as usual) until they tried to car seat you, which is when you went hysterical and ballistic. There was no comforting you either which for a parent (as sensitive as your mother) can be very stressful. To worsen things, you weren’t hungry or needed changing. Liza said you cried halfway through the journey back. I’ve heard you cry son. It can drive a car into oncoming traffic. Kudos to her for bringing you both back sane and alive.

The roundtable at home deduced you were probably gassy and needed relief. That’s all the prognosis I needed. With that, I took to the internet streets, combing for answers. I stumbled onto this and this which helped normalise the situation by explaining why and suggested methods of relief, respectively. Both were insightful and very helpful.

Though silent in Julia’s hands, I could see the strain and discomfort in your face, wrinkled like that of a 90 year old. Taking you from her came with screaming and yelling, so loud I’m astonished your lungs are still in place. I placed you on a square blanket on the floor going through the exercises in the video. God, you’re loud. I ignored it and before long, you were quiet again. I carried on. And soon, you were your usual self. It worked. Like a charm. Phew!

You stayed on the floor a while, happy to be left alone, enjoying your own company. You got all chatty and smiley. I don’t have the event in pictures (and if I did, I wouldn’t call myself a fit father). But I do have some from the week just gone.

– 7:08 pm

Another health professional showed up yesterday. You’ve gained a whooping 20g. Not taking giant weight leaps is normal she said. Besides, given how big you came out (and continued growing), a plateau was expected.

Notwithstanding, you’ve grown in other areas. You’ve got some control over the stability of your neck. I mean, it’s still loopy as fuck and you’re pretty much a bobblehead figure but there is a noticeable difference. So here’s to time (and milk) which should help in that department.

Oh! I was going through some trousers and found the coin I picked up when we were in the hospital. That was oddly satisfying. You should always check your pockets before you get rid of your clothes. Who knows, you just might find a facemask and a pound.

Speaking of growth, a lot of your clothes are too small for you now. Thankfully, your mother doesn’t need an incentive to buy you stuff. So obviously, she’s gone to town adding to your wardrobe. She didn’t stop with the bits from John Lewis the other day. No, no, no sir. A delivery arrived today with some Autumn/Winter clothing. The package had Polarn O. Pyret written on it.

I have to tell ya, those Swedes have mastered the art of everything kids. That extends from clothing to lifestyle and education. Where were they when Eminem was growing up huh? They had the chance to ruin him with happiness but passed on it. Now, all we have is this great music to deal with.

We’re not moving to Sweden anytime soon but those fuckers really know what they’re doing when it comes to the well-being of children. The rest of us are mostly winging it. So yes, unsurprisingly, the outfits are cool and very practical i.e. zips not buttons. By the way, I am exaggerating when I say “gone to town”. You do need bigger clothes and she’s not been excessive at all. Hell, I had to buy bigger swaddles the other day. You’re such a reptile.

We have a six-week check-in tomorrow at the hospital. Liza has the details. It’s on the calendar invite I’m sure.

…checking…

Yea, at Portland with Dr Maalouf. I have no name jokes to go with that. Maybe tomorrow. But we’ve got a few questions, like how do we know if you’re allergic to anything? We aren’t, but you could be. And we don’t want to find out at A&E.