Your grandparents confirmed you slept very well. Just as I expected. Julia said she didn’t even have to swaddle you. So the bath definitely helped, unequivocally. I think we’ll do it every other day going forward.
Valerie Valery and I had a very intriguing, enlightening, eye-opening honest conversation on what humanity will throw at you w.r.t race and culture. First, we talked about the history of Cameroon. His question was whether Cameroonians are ever taught their history from an insider’s perspective. Not the viewpoint of its colonial masters but something written and documented by Cameroonians for Cameroonians. Something less susceptible and prone to lies and fabrication. He basically worried that Wikipedia may not be the best place to source reliable information which he could pass on to you.
Unfortunately, I cannot speak to the accuracy of what I was taught at school. It needs to be held against alternatives comparatively to interrogate the delta. All I know is what I learned. However, I know now for certain that bits that don’t fit the overall narrative of colonial victory and success are carefully omitted and are difficult to source. We as a people didn’t just bend over. These are our lands. At times we fought and at times we won.
I know this because your uncle, Judex wrote a research paper documenting his findings on the history of Cameroon. It must have been pretty expensive to source and collate all that information. A selfless act for all. It’s a genuine search for the truth, without bias. But as Dave Chappelle put it, “those pages in history are stuck together”.
He called the essays PATHFINDER, meaning People Anxiously Thinking How to Find an Ideal Nation of Divine Eternal Reunion. A mouthful I know. You won’t remember it either.
The first chapter opens up with these thought-provoking questions, the bedrock for all that followed
- How do we explain ourselves to ourselves and how do we explain ourselves to our children?
- What are we going to tell our children about who we are and what we represent? Who are we? Who am I?
- How are we going to tell them so that they understand?
The story of our people. It’s worth reading for sure. I have drafts you can download at the end if interested. The more questions that come out of it, the better. I sent them to your grandfather as well. He’s also another factfinder so he’ll be right at home with these. In fact, I’m going to call your uncle to see if I can help to have this published because there must be like minds out there seeking this point of view. Perhaps.
Your grandfather also thinks I’m “racist proof”, teflon to it somehow. He’s hoping this is a trait I can pass down to you, genetically or otherwise. And despite being racially abused at least a couple of times, neither incident has left me feeling any less than myself. Those events don’t linger in my mind at all. In fact, I’d have to really try to even remember them. They serve as reminders of the reality we live in but nothing more. I’m not going around nitpicking every multiracial interaction looking to play that card. There’s more to life. There has to be.
Valery did however bring it up to say we’d have to do our best to prepare you for life based on your skin colour. We will. But I think you’ll be OK. I doubt you and I would get the same treatment in Eastern Europe. You might carry the cross but I’ll be crucified.
Some people are racist without even knowing. So my advice to you is to always try to see the best in people. At least in the first instance. And remember that no word can kill you. But your (re)actions can. Words have as much power as you give them. So don’t be blind to it but don’t be stupid also.
The stereotype goes, “black people are here to steal their jobs and live on benefits”. Kill them with success.
We also spoke about bullying, especially among teens. Not everything is about race. Your grandfather was a tall and skinny boy. They menaced him a lot for that. They called him a Russian slur which I can’t remember. He woke up every morning mentally preparing himself for a fight. Can you imagine how hard that is to do every. Single. Fucking. Day?
As he tells it, his stepfather thought him some self-defence techniques which saved his life. He recounts snapping once and beating another boy to a pulp – bloodied face, busted lip, the works. I can’t judge him for that. No way. Sometimes enough is enough and you just can’t take it any longer. And the only way out is to send a message to everyone via an example.
My experience wasn’t far away. I’ve always been quite small. So small one of my mates nicknamed me “Mbindush” during my boarding school days. It means exactly that. Small. But very early on, I knew that if I let the first person get away with bullying me, there’ll be a queue of them after. So I fought whoever tried. And soon no one wanted a fight.
I feel this is the only way to handle bullying, by the bull’s horns. To think you won’t get picked on is wishful thinking. You will be challenged at school, at work, and throughout your life. How you cope will depend on the foundations we as your parents have laid down.
So I’m hoping we can establish a relationship where we talk to each other freely. Regardless of the topic or gravity of the issue. We have to find a way to communicate without fear. Don’t be afraid (of anyone). I’m sure your mother would like to know if you’re being bullied. So would I. We’d also like to know if we have a bully for a son. Ideally, our style of parenting will prevent both before it’s serious enough to become a stat or case study. We’ll guide you the best way we can.